Year's End - Time For Self Inventory

I don't have much time to write today as my kids will be home from school early today due to an impending winter storm that is promising a lot of travel challenges and personal safety problems. I fear that my sons will not be going to school tomorrow, the last day of school before Christmas break, because of the effects of this storm. Once the boys are home, all bets are off if I will ever get some time to myself to write- especially before the New Year.

So, a cursory, highlighted overview of this past year's events will be in order, much to every one's relief. I absolutely dread getting the obligatory "Christmas Newsletter" from friends and family members alike, that seem to think that Christ's birth is time for unabashed bragging rights of their family's accomplishments- ad nauseum. I will steer away from going on and on about everything positive. This year's traumas will help alleviate that problem for me.

First, as you might well recognize from the majority of posts here on Imbroglio (I love that word), I have spent an inordinate amount of time in court, fighting the ex-husband- to no avail. I am so sick and tired of being in a court room and close proximity to lawyers, where truth rarely prevails- let alone justice- by judges that don't give a damn one way or another, and only care about the stack of cases on the docket disappearing with unnatural speed in front of them.

I learned a lot about our sad "justice system" here in the USA this year, and none of it is reassuring. If I never see another court room again, it will be too soon. After all the counts against the ex that I had (8-10), the end result was still NOT in my favor! How could this be? Well, for starters, the ex had extreme help from the court system with an extremely unfair advantage that he had no right to exercise.

His sister, Shelly Mackel-Weiderander, is a lawyer for Iowa Legal Aid, and she pulled all kinds of strings to help her brother out when he didn't deserve a piece of floss being handed to him. The only ones that reaped the vast majority of the damage from her helping the bastard (are)were my children, his children. Apparently, the ramifications against the children didn't matter to the court or his sister, let alone the father.

With all the bullshit and court room shenanigans that I had to live through this year (10 court dates so far in '08), the culmination had to be the most denigrating and terrible. You see, the last court appearance that I had to make this year was for Brad's(ex) bail to be lowered so he could get out of jail. The charges he faced were 5 counts of assault causing injury and child endangerment when the father of my children tried to kill 2 out of 3 of my children by running over them with a car, and punching one son until he broke bones. The Judge did not see the need to lower the bastard's bail- thank goodness.

The county attorney, however, did some house cleaning after the ex was in detention for a couple of months, and decided to let Brad out of jail so he could keep his job at Titan, and make child support payments. That was in October.

As of this writing (December 18), Brad has only made one partial payment of child support back in November.

His probation officer is a real dick, and doesn't give a crap whether Brad follows his court orders or not. Why does this elephant dung always follow ME??!

Other year-end news for this family is not quite so gloom and doom. The one good thing (I thought) was the county attorney issued a 5 year No Contact Order, protecting my oldest and youngest sons from their father's physical abuse. That means that my oldest son will be 19 years old before he can speak to his father again- if he wants to by then. The bad thing about the No-Contact is that lets their father off for any fatherly responsibilities- but he was sorely lacking in that department anyway- so no real loss- just terribly sad for my children.

We continue to barely hang on, as we have been doing for the past 4 years or so, with no money- and no visible means of support from either family- until very recently. The ex's parents are worthless grandparents that do nothing but make things worse by supporting their ill begotten son. I guess the nut doesn't fall far from the tree in that cuckoo family. They are horrible people, and I am grateful that they don't try to be a part of my sons lives-just another terribly tragic chapter in my children's lives. They haven't had any real grandparents since my oldest was 18 months old, and that's when my father died.

But recently, my oldest sister and her husband have seen what dire straits my family have been in for years, and have decided to help us with support- both monetarily and some emotional support. While I am grateful for their help(finally), it is almost too little, too late.

I have been suicidal for the past year or so, so maybe my sister's help was a real lifeline. Funny thing is though- I have 5 siblings. My brother who lives out of state has really helped a lot, too. I just wish he were a lot closer to us- my kids love him the best.

My boys are growing wildly like weeds. I am shorter than my 2 oldest sons, and the youngest is gaining height rapidly. Youth goes by so fleetingly. Soon I will not be able to get by with calling them "boys". That makes me feel old.

Even with all the horrible things that my boys have had to endure this year, I am so very proud of them all. Maybe it is in spite of all the bad things that happen to them that they have developed so much character- but I know in my heart that they will turn out just fine, and I will always be proud of them. Each of my children are unique and yet so affable and durable. And handsome.

This year has been especially trying for me. I watched my best friend from the second grade fight her final battle with cancer, and she died before her 50th birthday. It seems that I have had more trials and tribulations than should be normally expected at this age- and it was daunting that I turned 50 this year.

My brother, who lives here in town, was diagnosed with cancer late this year- and I don't know quite how to handle that situation. We have always been close growing up(we are 17 months apart), but since marriage, both of our lives have taken different turns. His wife seems two-faced and difficult. My brother seems uncharacteristically intolerant.

In October, shortly after my birthday, marked the first anniversary of my mother's death. That has been a reeling and defining time for me- as it has affected relationships- both in my family and with my friends.

I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that the ex-husband destroyed what life I had for the past 18 years. I feel that sometimes 50 is too old to start a new life- and what should define my life at 50? I feel lost and alone. Except for my children.

I can't complain about 2008 coming to a close. One thing I am grateful for is that I helped elect Barack Obama for president by casting a vote for him and Joe Biden as veep. I look forward to the new administration, and finally getting rid of the tyranny and deceit of the Bush Administration.

I am always surprised by the apparent interest my sons have in the political process- gee, I wonder where they get that from?

Cheers 4 the New Year(drink bubbly here),

The Ultimate Imbroglio