Relapse

On Friday, April 17, I had a court date with Bradex. On the road to recovery from an abusive relationship, we all have set backs. My set back was the very real personal struggle to keep my center, maintain my solace and yet assert my rights under the law. The archaic laws that bind society usually end up convoluting the situation into a battle where the most money wins, not necessarily the most justice. That seems to be the case with me, where I have entered a legal labyrinth that I cannot escape from. The advantage scale seems permanently tipped to reward the unsavory character of Bradex.

On top of being disabled and still waiting for disability to be granted for the fourth year of trying, and that lawyer reneging on the volunteer contract to represent me, I have to deal with becoming a lawyer myself every time Bradex goes to court to try to get out of his responsibilities. This stress usually translates into a deep, dark depression like no other for me.

I am not an attorney! But I play one in real life.

I have to deal with all the pressures of deadlines, and getting papers time-stamped at the court house, and properly filed, etc. This interferes with my sleep pattern, which is fragile at best, and none existent at worst. I cannot function like a teenager without sleep, basically because I have not been a teenager for several decades now. I can barely manage to multi-task now at my age.

And, of course, the matters at hand are very serious in deed. Bradex just wants to stop paying the child support and alimony that he is already not paying, he just wants to make it legal to not pay. His line of defense is that he supposedly 'lost his job' and cannot pay his financial obligations.

IF he lost his job, which I seriously doubt, it was due to him being incarcerated for trying to run over 2 out of 3 of his own children for the children asked him to buy their school supplies. God help the Judge that would reward a father for the hurt and injuries suffered at the hands of this insufferable man, and grant his wish to get out of his financial responsibilities to his children.

Me, not being with legal counsel at the time, pleaded with the Judge on my 'answers' to please raise his child support and alimony due to the fact that not only has he not been paying it, he is making a lot more money than he is reporting to child support; which is illegal. This is his history with the court, to lie about everything. And he gets away with it most of the time because that is the way the courts are set up.

Think about it statistically: if Bradex lies about everything he says in court, and the Judge has to then decide between 2 people on every issue, Bradex will come out at least 50% of the time ahead of the curve. I believe his average may be a little higher, considering I took him to court more than 8 times in 2008, and he managed to get out of a contempt charge in which the court required him to get a washing machine and dryer installed and working in the marital home in June, 2006.

The washer and dryer were not even purchased in June 2008. He never did have them properly installed and working; I had to go to a church to have them installed properly before the cold weather came, because the machines were exposed to the elements, and both were hooked up incorrectly electrically. If you ran them both at the same time, it blew a fuse in the basement.

He got nothing- not even a slap on the wrist. Nothing.

I have to give Bradex credit- he is one slippery snake. Slippery, evil, hateful, ugly serpent. Of course, he wouldn't stand a snow ball's chance in Hades if it weren't for the evil breeding in his family of serpents. His sister, not the Wicca (witch), is a lawyer for Iowa Legal Aid. She has all the slimy, invertebrate family traits. She helps him out of all his legal obligations. For free!

Meanwhile, I cannot get an attorney to represent me to save my life. Iowa Legal Aid can't help me due to the 'conflict of interest' with his sister. I have apparently used up all the 'help'(?) from the Volunteer Lawyer Project (Joke), when my 'attorney' took Bradex to court 8-10 times last year. Nothing was resolved. Nothing. Oh, except that my 'attorney', who was supposed to be representing me, for free, got paid $3000 from Bradex. Hmmmm.

So fast forward to last Friday. I had filed the required papers on time at the court house. I had tried to get an attorney that my sister agreed to pay for, but it turned out that he was too busy to take my case at the last minute. I had to go it alone.

I must admit that I am unfortunately learning the hard way about lawyers tricks of the trade. Truth matters not. Pushing papers and winning seem to permeate the legal profession. Reminds me of the oldest profession. Justice gets hidden in the hunt of the game between attorneys on the court-er, I mean in the court. The end result is the very same for one party as in the oldest profession.

The meeting in the court house was a pre-trial conference, and not very exciting as court cases go. But I managed to make it at least memorable.

I met a potential attorney, saw my son's soccer coach-who happens to be an attorney- and took care of some biznez with the Judge. All in all, not a bad day. But it had its bumps and potholes.

Enter Bradex's attorney. A real piece of work, this guy. He is the same attorney that represented Bradex when he tried to get his bail lowered to get out of jail when Bradex was charged with assault with a deadly weapon (his SUV), trying to run over 2 of his children. So it's not like his attorney wasn't aware of why Bradex claims he lost his job.

Let's call Bradex's attorney "Mr. Wrong" for legal purposes. Mr. Wrong brought the action for modification to the Decree. The pre-trial was set for exchange of information. The action requested was to decrease child support/alimony, so financial records were requested to show the court at the pre-trial, to determine the outcome.

Mr. Wrong shows up late with Bradex in tow. Mr.Wrong walks by my sister, her husband and me in the hallway at the court house. We have been waiting patiently for almost an hour. Mr. Wrong has the audacity to tell the Judge's clerk that I didn't show! He began filling out papers to that affect.

So I go into the courtroom with my sister and her husband, and the clerk gets all snotty with me that because I don't have an attorney, my sister/husband are not allowed in the courtroom. I protested that my brother-in-law had all my court papers on his person- but the clerk was adamant that 'family' not be allowed in the courtroom. I was astonished at this new legal trick, and that the clerk was making such a big deal about it- because the room was full of people that were not on the docket- and I was on the docket.

Long story short, Mr. Wrong had come to court completely unprepared-big surprise(not). He had none of the papers that were necessary to modify the Decree- the action he requested! Bradex was filling out his financial statements in the courtroom, by hand- no verification- and on the court's time. He signed the modification papers on Friday, February 13, 2009. It's not like he didn't have time.

Then Mr. Wrong tried to get me to sign legal papers that stated I was not prepared for the pre-trial! What a jerk. I couldn't believe my eyes, so I told old Mr. Wrong that I had to discuss it with my sister before any signing took place, and I ran out into the hall to find my sister, with the piece of paper in my hand. Mr. Wrong came out to explain that this paper was a simple formality that required both people to sign it, and it wouldn't matter if I signed it first. Bullshit!

What a bold faced liar Mr. Wrong is. He was trying to capitalize on an unfair advantage with me not having legal counsel. When I refused to sign his paper, he threatened me with 'the Judge will sanction you for not having the papers turned in today'. When, in fact, it his client that was not prepared.

I informed Mr. Wrong that this meeting was to exchange information, and I would be happy to exchange information when he produced the financial documents that his client was to provide. He said that he didn't have the papers requested by him for the pre-trial. This so typical behavior for Bradex-trying to cheat every step of the way. Mr. Wrong kept up the threats.

Then I demanded to see the Judge. Mr. Wrong agreed. When we entered the courtroom, the clerk still wouldn't let my 'family' enter the room. I was a little relieved because my brother-in-law kept trying to give Mr. Wrong the papers that we had prepared for the court, which would have given Bradex an unfair advantage.

When the Judge finally came out of his chambers, the snotty clerk told the Judge that I didn't have an attorney like I was a dog patty that she had stepped in, and had to wipe off her shoe. I didn't appreciate her foul attitude, and couldn't believe a public servant was acting so badly towards me. What the hell did I do to her?

I interrupted her rant to the Judge to ask him if we could meet privately in his chambers like I had asked. He agreed, and motioned Mr.Wrong and me to follow him back to his chambers. I glared at the clerk the entire way around the bench until I got into his chambers.

As soon as we entered the chamber, Mr. Wrong began pushing paper at the Judge to sign. The Judge started to sign the paper without even reading it- and it was the same paper that Mr. Wrong had tried to get me to sign, stating that both parties were not prepared for the pre-trial. The guys were ignoring the girl. So I grabbed the paper out of the Judge's hand in a bold move to get his attention. Mission accomplished. Mr.Wrong's eyes got as big as saucers when I grabbed the paper from the Judge, and the Judge looked up sharply as well.

I explained that I had questions that needed to be addressed before the Judge signed off on any papers that Mr. Wrong was pushing. So the Judge granted me several questions. I asked if Bradex ever had to produce the financial papers that Mr.Wrong's modification was requesting, considering the history that Bradex has for the past 5 years of never producing any financial documents for the Temporary Matters, the Divorce, or since. The Judge explained to me that the evidence that Mr. Wrong and Bradex choose to produce will be judged by the Judge if it is adequate. Then he asked for the paper back that I was still holding. I handed it back, but not without more questions.

I asked if Bradex can get the child support/alimony reduced after being jailed for trying to run over his 2 children-and the Judge did not look happy about hearing this tidbit of info. Again, the Judge told me-with his eyes down- that this information would be weighed in court during the trial.

Mr.Wrong looked like he wanted to run and hide, after these two little bombs I dropped on the Judges lap, but I couldn't ask any more questions if Mr. Wrong left the room, so I told him to wait a minute. Mr. Wrong waited reluctantly, while I asked the Judge several more times if he was going to require any documentation from Bradex to support his claim to modify. Again, the Judge, with eyes down, replied that the court would decide if the documents presented by counsel would be enough to support his request.

Then I said to the Judge "So you mean he can continue to lie to the court like he has been for the past 5 years?" At this the Judge got angry and declared "We're done here". So I got up and left the Judge's chamber with Mr. Wrong, his mouth gaping and still wide-eyed disbelief at the questions I asked the Judge.

It bothered me terribly that the Judge would not meet my eyes- like he was not telling the truth. This is the same Judge that found me in contempt for not forcing the boys to go with Bradex on Christmas Day. I hope that I'm mistaking his lowered eyes as anger against me. I hope his anger was reserved for the opposing party-Bradex.

Outside the Judge's chamber, Mr.Wrong tried to get me to stand right next to Bradex while we discussed the court proceedings. I refused for the third time that day to speak any where near Bradex. He disgusts me so. I can only see his ugliness and hate. I want no part of him.

However, Mr. Wrong was considerably more polite when we spoke out in the hallway after our little tete a'tete in the Judge's chamber. I was still unwilling to exchange info with him, considering he didn't have any info to exchange. I had to keep my brother-in-law in check, too. He can be too helpful at times, because he doesn't see the bad side of people.

Afterwards, I spoke with my son's soccer coach. He continues to give me gobs of free legal advice- probably because he knows I cannot afford to get an attorney. He met my sister, finally, and he had already met her husband at a soccer meet. He is a Czech and a Catholic- two things my family whole-heartily approves of being. Unfortunately, his schedule would not permit him to take on another case (me) at that time; he was too busy.

But I did have a conversation with a promising young attorney that was trolling down at the court house. We exchanged cards and brief info on my case, and he seemed interested. His retainer was lower than the attorney that backed out- so hopefully he will work out. My sister and her husband thinks he looks like Bradex, but I don't see it. This attorney looks kind-hearted and nice- I don't see any ugliness. I sure hope he can help me.

Sheila