When The Brakes Go Out....

It has been documented by several sources, both legal and medical, that the probable cause of my Fibromyalgia was due to the trauma suffered by me that occurred on December 25th, 2003. That is when my then husband and my sister, Patty, decided to physically assault me while my 3 small children and elderly mother watched in horror. My brother, Dennis, who is an alcoholic, actually stood by and cheered on the brutal beating that my sister and husband waged on me, while he drank another beer and watched.

Several M.d.'s and a couple of judges have determined from the medical records, police records and counseling recounts and all agree that I suffered a tremendous beating, which left me with a cracked orbital globe in the right eye, several cracked ribs, bruises and contusions from the neck down. This has been determined to be the cause and the trigger to the Fibromyalgia that I will suffer from for the rest of my life.

Merry Christmas from my "family" (sic).

That was then and here is now. The Fourth of July weekend, 2009. Some say time heals all things-but I don't believe them. Not with a vicious animal like my sister Patty still roaming the Earth.

First, she has never apologized. For anything. Ever. She has caused other altercations. I always get hurt-not her. She is too evil, apparently.

Secondly, she had the unmitigated nerve - or perhaps it just comes naturally to her wicked nature- to spread horrible rumors about my children and me to all family members and friends of mine that she knows. She lied about what happened on Christmas Day, 2003. From what I heard, she told every one that I started the 'fight'. That doesn't explain what my mother and children saw happen when she and Bradex tag teamed me; and that doesn't explain why I was the only one with severe injuries and Patty and Bradex sustained no injuries.

Then she persuaded my other sister and her husband that the only way this would be settled would be for me to apologise to Patty. And I would have to apologize to Patty before our mom died. Otherwise, it would be my fault that Mom died of a broken heart. My mother died in October, 2007. Mom knew the truth and saw the evil Patty can deliver.

Just recently, in the past year or so, it has become readily apparent to my older sister and her husband just who the dastardly bitch is that caused all the hurt in our little clan. The profane name that now comes to mind is Patty when family trouble starts. My brother Richard knew this as well as I did that it has always been Patty that causes so much trouble in our lives. Patty delights in the boorish rumors that she can use to destroy people, especially a relative.

Just when others are starting to see the light, Patty's evil must have been draining from her and making her sinfully anemic. She has been abhorrently detached from reality ever since she gave me a ride home from the hospital when I had my back injected. Patty picked up my son before she picked me up, and she drove like a bat out of hell the entire way home. She ran red lights, was speeding, and nearly sideswiped oncoming cars. I had two Band-Aids covering the injection sites on my back, and one was torn off from the violent jolting and weaving ride home from Darth Patty.

Every year since childhood, I have looked forward to spending the Fourth of July at my cousins' farm in Southern Iowa. It has always proved to be tremendous fun and excitement. Now my children anticipate going to the farm for the 4th every year as much as I did when I was growing up. Of course it is a little different since the farm has changed hands a little-from father to son- since both my aunt and uncle have passed away. The people have changed who come now, too- a little older for some, and a lot younger for their kids.

This year was no exception. The boys started bugging me about when we were going to the farm the first days out of school back in June. I wasn't sure about going to the farm for the 4th this year because my cousin that now owns the farm has just recently married for the third time last Thanksgiving. New bride, new rules? You never know.

As luck would have it, my brakes went out of the car last Monday. I had my car towed to an unscrupulous cheat at Tires Plus that tried to charge me 3 to 4 times the money what it should have been reasonable to repair the one brake line that burst on the left rear line. So, I had to have my car towed down to the southern suburb where my cousin has an auto repair shop. I can trust my cousin to do the work and charge me fairly. I've been going to him for nearly 3 decades.

When I first spoke to my cousin, he enthusiastically asked if the boys and I were coming down to the farm for the 4th. I explained that I didn't know if I was invited. He asked me if his sister, Melinda, had called to invite me. I answered "no", I hadn't talked to Melinda. I told him that my brother was coming from North Carolina, and he would probably be able to give the boys and me a ride in his car. So it was all set.

Or so I thought. I did wonder why I hadn't heard from my cousin, Melinda. We had been exceptionally close growing up-best friends. I thought we had the usual adult relationship- husbands, kids happen and it diminishes your time together except for holidays and funerals.

But first, Patty shows up with a TV that doesn't work well to 'give' me. So I asked her if she was planning on going down to the farm for the 4th. She said she was going and that she had talked to Melinda, and my brother Kevin was going also. I inquired if she was supposed to call me when she spoke to Melinda, and she admitted that she was 'going to call' me when she had time. This was July 2nd, and she had 'time' to drop off the TV...

Just to make sure that all was well, and to make sure that Patty hadn't been up to her usual putrid tricks, I phoned Melinda to talk to her. We had a nice talk, exchanging pleasantries and catching up a bit on each others lives. Then I asked her if she was going to be coming to the farm this 4th. She replied that she was going to see her daughter perform in the local 4th of July parade first, and then they would make the trek across Iowa from Nebraska to see the myriad fireworks that could be seen from the farm at night.

Then Melinda asked me if Patty had called me to invite us down to the farm for the 4th. I told her no, Patty hadn't made that call, but that I had already spoke with her brother, Tom. Melinda thought that was strange because she had heard back from Patty that my brother, Kevin, was going to be at the farm, but Patty hadn't said anything about me being there. I replied "that's because Patty didn't call me".

I was trying to make sure that the boys and I had a ride down to the farm, since my car was still at the repair shop, and we didn't have a car. Earlier this day, on July 3rd, Patty had called to give me some cock-a-mimi story about Becky, Kevin's wife, has a test this weekend (the 4th of July??! C'mon!) and so Kevin and their daughter can't come to the farm...blah, blah, blah. Yeah, right. Whatever.

I had spoken to my brother that was coming from North Carolina, Richard, and asked him if we could have a ride down to the farm, and he said yes, we could ride with him. But now that Richard was in Iowa City with my other older brother, Dennis, Richard wasn't answering his cell phone.

I was getting a little worried about securing plans and a ride down to the farm. It all boils down to the fact that Patty stirs up trouble when there isn't any, and she makes every situation worse. Especially since Melinda told me that Patty told her that "it's okay for Sheila to come down to farm now because she is much more mellow now". WWhhuuutttt?! I told Melinda that sure I'm more mellow now, 5 years and 4 anti-depressants later after Patty helped my then-husband beat the crap out of me on Christmas Day in front of my mom and children!

Not to mention the fact that I have been going to the farm since my childhood, regardless of the profane and corrupt shit that my evil sister has been spreading about me!!! I could tell you stories about Patty...but suffice it to say she is really pissed off at me right now because more than half of my brothers and sister know the truth about Patty and her vicious pack of lies- including the lie she tried to spread about my dead father on Christmas Day, 2003. Mom knew the truth.

It has been said by a wise man that in order for evil to spread, it only takes apathy and good people to stand by and do nothing. I believe that the truth shall vindicate my family and triumph over evil.

You see, Patty told Melinda that my brakes were out, and I wouldn't have a car to go to the farm. Funny that Melinda knew about my brakes, yet Patty didn't have 'time' to call me to invite me to the farm. Patty is driving down by herself.

A side note to all this is my other brother, Dennis, recently suffered a heart attack. He has constantly ridiculed me about every aspect of my life in a very nasty, rude and despicable way. He has attacked his nieces and nephews viciously also. As they say, blood is thicker than water; and family member shouldn't denigrate other family members. And the Bible says "what goes around comes around"(paraphrase here).

In the middle of Dennis and his past diatribes against his own tribe, I predicted his heart attack because all he had to do was look at his own family medical history to see that the males in the patriarchal line of our family tree have a heavy history of dying from heart disease at a young age-regardless of their health. Dennis is especially found of eating fried meat. This is a recipe for a heart attack in our family- at least for the males- so far.

To speak of Dennis' health is to note that he is an alcoholic, among other things. Even though he has no medical training whatsoever, he will diagnose and prescribe medicines to any and all within earshot. Basically, he tells you to eat whatever ails you- so if your eyes are bad-eat eyeballs, and so on-you get the gist. Oh- I almost forgot- Dennis used to work as a fix-it man at a hospital, so I guess that qualifies him to dole out medical advice.

I tried Dennis' cell phone to get a hold of Richard- since they were two brothers spending time together. Well, let's just say that having a near-death experience like his heart attack certainly hasn't mellowed out Dennis! He is still the foul-mouthed little bastard drunk that he always has been. That phrase fits Dennis to a T- he is simply an old, lonely Has-Been.

I can only hope that there is only one kind of fireworks at the farm tomorrow for the 4th of July. I hope that the mean and indecent elements of my siblings (ie: Patty and Dennis) will not turn into the evil monstrosities and vile behavior of which they are so notoriously known.

Pump the brakes and hope they hold!

Sheila & The Boys

Watching Life Pass Me By

I know I haven't written here in a while, but sometimes my life is just too awful to drag myself through it twice- once living it, and twice writing about it. Such has been the case with me for nearly the last 2 decades. Writing is supposed to be my cathartic therapy to steer me out of the deep, dark ocean of depression and pain. But sometimes life hits you hard.

I used to try to "roll with the punches", but then it seemed that my life was a huge downhill slope, and I was trapped in a barrel, spinning out of control, rolling down the endless hill.

Control. Interesting word, 'control' is. After the controlling and abusive violence I suffered at the hands of Bradex, I never thought in a million years that I would search for control in my life again. But right now, 'control' has an amazing appeal and rolls off my tongue with delight.

Living in total chaos in your own universe is tiring and mind-boggling. You can never tell which way is up, down or sideways. Bad news has a way of traveling at high rates of speed, coming full force at me from underneath the belly of the beast, raining down on me in torrents, and sometimes side-swiping me when I'm least expecting it. It hardly helps to wear a raincoat in such inclement weather as is the disaster of my life at age 50.

If someone would have told me 25 years ago that my life would end up so tops-turvy at 50, I would have told them they were nuts. But where do I go from here when I am so completely turned around?

To make matters worse, I have noticed a definite uptick in deaths of people my own age, both celebrities and friends. For the first time in my life, 50 doesn't seem so old after all. But what if I die tomorrow? There are so many things in life I still want to accomplish. Yet I am in no position to aspire to my hopes and dreams. I also have the hopes and dreams of my children to work towards- never mind my old fogey desires.

Should I work towards what I want in life in the hope it will ultimately benefit my children, or just scrap what I used to consider important and work on my children's hopes and dreams?

See, this is where I think 'control' comes into play. If I had some control over destiny, at least to some extent, I could pick and choose the best path for us to follow for the fruition of hopes and dreams. Then we'd all be happy. Utopia.

Right now, I would settle for just a little bit of old fashion control that would allow all the swirling excrement to stop, and enough control would emerge to allow my family and I a reprieve. What we really need is a vacation. A long, extended vacation would be fantastic.

Is it too much to tempt the fates and maybe ask that the simple control that most people have over their own lives be restored to my clan?

Sheila