Teens & Dating In 2010

Wow! What a mental flashback to the future when my oldest son started to 'date'. My reference point of dating goes back to the last millennium. Ouch! That hurt. Not to brag (too much), but my 3 sons are all gorgeous and extremely handsome fellows. But my oldest son, Ryan, is a step ahead of his brothers in a lot of areas, maybe by virtue of his age. So naturally it would be impossible for me to be of any assistance to facilitate a date for my oldest son, right?
Wrong!

Ryan is attractive and popular in high school and active in many areas, including sports. He has a handful or more of 'girl friends' that he regularly will talk to or text. But when it came to an 'exclusive' (my old terminology) date or 'relationship', he faltered. I asked him why he was hesitating to join the 'couples' scene (again my ancient language). Ryan explained to me the age-old dilemma of 'dating' someone that you go to school with every day, then get attached to permanently by mere association, and everybody at school knows your immediate Facebook status- whether you want them to or not. It is a lot of undue peer pressure and way too much commitment for high school kids. So I left it alone.

Then one day, while shopping at the supermarket near our house, I noticed little sparks flying between Ryan and the cute, petite check-out girl. Aha, I thought to myself. Ever since, I noticed her head turn when she sees me, looking for Ryan because he usually helps me grocery shop. Then I noticed that Ryan picks her check-out lane whenever he can when we are all done shopping. I mentioned her by name that is clearly printed on her name tag, and Ryan reacts like I figured out the cure for cancer. Apparently, he couldn't take his eyes off hers long enough to look at her name tag to learn her name. I urged him to speak to her, and possibly ask her for her phone number or something while we are safely out of hearing distance, but Ryan balks. This little flirtation goes on between the two of them for weeks, not going anywhere fast.

So the old Dinosaur (me) decides to help facilitate this personal dating scene along. I went up to the store to pick up a few groceries by myself and she happens to be working. Her head jerks around routinely looking for Ryan when she sees me, and then disappointment when she doesn't see him. So I politely pay for my items, and she asks if I would like to carry my purchases or drive up for them. I could have easily carried the two sacks out, but I asked for the drive up.

As I pull up to the Drive Thru, I am planning to pump her for useful info for dating. I asked her a few banal questions, then on to the really important ones. It turns out that Miss T is quite chatty, polite and very cute. She is also pumping me for info about Ryan. So we agree on our cover story- her inquiring about the high school Ryan goes to, and I secure her phone number- in her own handwriting, essential for the ever suspicious Ryan.

On the way home from the store, I had to come up with a story line that didn't involve pumping Miss T for info, but at the same time, I'm bursting with excitement. I also realize the potential for disaster and the possibility of drowning in my own mess if things didn't work out. These things must be handled delicately!

I stuck to the simple and nonchalant "she asked for information about possibly going to your high school, here is her phone number- do with it what you want" attitude. Ryan's first reaction was shock, then disbelief and finally suspicion. So he sat on her phone number for like 5 days. He kept pumping me for information, asking the same question a million different ways, just to see if I answered it the same way. It was difficult for me to keep the story straight in my old age-ha.

Then he blamed me for ruining his life, in a typically teen drama way. It was my 'fault' that I didn't give her Ryan's number- then he wouldn't be in such anguish over what to do with her phone number, blah,blah, blah. Then of course, he threw in the kitchen sink on all that was wrong in his life that was all the sudden my fault. Teenagers!

When I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to reason with the teen. I asked him how he would feel if I had given her his phone number and he hadn't heard from her in 5 days. Then I suggested that instead of calling her, why not text her like he does everybody else? This advice seemed to get to him and calm him down. However, he still had to make a trek to the grocery store to see if the original premise would hold regarding her inquiry about his high school.

We went to the store, she was working and I occupied Ryan's younger brother away from the check-out so he could talk to Miss T. Another clerk caused a minor distraction and they both chickened out.

When we were leaving, her face fell and I knew I had to do something. So I demanded that Ryan go back into the store and answer her questions about his high school. So he went reluctantly back in and volunteered sacking for her while he talked to her about his high school. She dutifully answered him according to our prearranged script, but she was trying to tell how much I had divulged to him, causing a little confusion. But Ryan bought the basic premise.

Now he could text her in good conscience. Miss T. returned his first text in less than 30 seconds, and they have been texting continuously for weeks now.

Ryan and Miss T. went on their first date last weekend. I drove them to the movie. I was not prepared for the deafening silence in the back seat, as they sat on opposite sides of the car. I was given strict instructions by Ryan that I was to remain silent during the entire ride. I could hardly keep my mouth shut, but I tried. Then a popular song came on the radio that I thought Ryan liked, so I turned it up to cover the dead silence. Apparently, Ryan thought this particular song to be 'gay' when he was in front of a girl, so he was mortified when I turned the music up. I can't win for losing with teens!

The movie was a successful first date, and Ryan now refers to Miss T as his girl friend. I'm still riding high on this successful endeavor before it comes crashing down -if it does. So far, Ryan is thankful for his talkative and friendly mom!

What more could a mom ask for?

Sheila