Teenage Drivers!

My oldest son (again) just got his driver's learner's permit last month so he could 'practice' driving before getting his driver's license. I have been teaching and quizzing him on the rules of the road for a year or so, but the actual driving has commenced.

Boy, there is no feeling of complete and utter helplessness like a parent sitting in the passenger side of the only family far and watching a young hormone-driven male learning to drive, or 'practicing'. Get out the crash helmet and dual brake system...please?

Ryan is a pretty good driver, I'll have to admit, but he has had his scary moments with me. Take the other day when I let him drive while we ran errands and paid bills.

Let me preface this story with a few facts like there has been snow cover in Des Moines for 100 days, and around 70 inches of snow (and ice) have piled up in huge piles with nowhere to go. Our driveway has been drifted over with snow several times this winter, and not always completely cleared when shoveled. This makes getting into the passenger side of the car a challenge, especially with an old fart like me.

So I asked Ryan, the new driver, if he could pull out of the driveway far enough for his poor crippled Mom to get in by the cleared sidewalk, instead of having me slip and slide in the drifts by the car. Ryan obliged, and backed the car up about halfway to the sidewalk. So I yelled to him through closed windows that he needed to back up about 4 inches to clear the snow bank so I could get into the car. There was no response, and he looked confused so I opened the car door to tell him again at the exact same time as he decided to floor it and back up the car. Luckily, the car's tires spun on the ice before jolting backwards about a foot.

Meanwhile, this action took it's toll on me holding the car door open. I was thrown on my ass, and fell on both snow banks and landed in the slushy ice crossed-legged like an Indian chief, and my purse filled with half the snow bank. I haven't been physically able to sit cross-legged like this for years due to the decrepit nature and deterioration of my knees, so the pain was out of this world, not to mention my pants were sopping up lots of ice water through my backside. I couldn't get up by myself.

Ryan got out of the car and ran over to me to see if I was okay. I was screaming some well chosen obscenities that had to do with fatherless dogs trying to run over their mothers with the car. So naturally, he picked up my purse, brushed it off slightly, and set it in the car, and stood there hooting and howling with laughter at the sight of me cross-legged and cursing from my perch in the snow. His laughing did not improve my demeanor.

I demanded that he help me up at once, and decided to take a swing at him when he did approach me. Of course I missed from my low stance on the sidewalk, but I think he got the point that laughing would best be saved for later, and he'd better get me out of the snow soon. I can imagine the funny sight he was biting his tongue not to laugh at by now, but I was in too much pain and frozen groin area to see the humor then.

He finally managed to get my legs uncrossed, stand me up, and brush some of the snow that hadn't melted off me. I was mad as a hatter, but managed to let him drive anyway. I lectured him the whole way about how he has to be in control of the car at all times, and he needs to verbally communicate with me when I'm not in the car yet- like "I'm going to back up now". And I also reminded him that you don't need to floor it when you only have to back up 4 inches.

We have since both broken into giggles whenever this episode is mentioned, but I think it may be awhile before I let Ryan 'practice' to drive again. ;0)

Where's the Saint Christopher's medal when you need one?